Watching You Fall
by Lady Davia
Summary: Harry is changing and Draco's the only one who seems to notice. Now Draco must decide; to stop the Golden Boy's fall and ally himself with the Light, or to watch as his enemy destroys himself and save's the Dark Lord the trouble. Yaoi slash Drarry DxH HxD
1. Prologue

**A/N**: I know I have this problem with never finishing a story, so I got an idea from one of my psych books. I'm going to start by writing something small, like 5 or 6 chapters. That'd be this. I haven't abandoned my other story, I just need to get my creative juices flowing and this plot bunny has gotten so rabid that it invaded my dreams three nights in a row. Gomenasai (I'm sorry).

**Warning:** This is YAOI. This means boy/boy action. If you don't like, don't read. So if I get flames, I'll ignore them, seeing as that if you didn't like it, you wouldn't read it, and if you didn't read it, you wouldn't flame. So a flame means you read despite my warning, so you're an idiot for not taking me seriously. Also, Dumbledore and Ron bashing. slight Hermione bashing. Light side bashing in general.

**Setting:** Hogwarts, 6th year.

**Summary:** Things regularly go from bad to worse for The-Boy-Who-Lived, but what about the boy who would've been his friend, if not for prejudices learned from his parents? Draco was always taught to know his enemies, and to keep them closer than his friends. Well, he knows Potter better than anyone, probably better even than Weasley. Potter-watching has been an obsession of his since the other boy turned down his hand in friendship. But Potter wouldn't let him close. So he watches all the closer. And he's noticed something. Potter is changing, and not in a good way, but no one else seems to notice. The Golden Boy is getting darker and darker, and allowing Draco closer and closer. Now Draco must decide; to stop the Golden Boy's fall and ally himself with the Light, or to watch as his enemy destroys himself and save's the Dark Lord the trouble.

"Talking"

'_Thinking'_

-Time change, character change-

Observations/Internal Monologues

_Dream sequence_

Prologue: The Beginning of the End

September 1st, 7th year

(Harry's POV)

I am alone. That fact has never wrung quite as true as it does now. As a child I at least had hope, dreams in which long lost family members rescued me. Now, now I have not even that. I was rescued, true, but is this world really better for me than the one I was in? Sure, the Dursleys were horrible to the extreme and I suffered many types of…_abuse_…at their hands, but at least they weren't trying to kill me all the time. At most they would have worked me to death, but even when they denied me food they only did it for so long, as I was of no use to them dead.

To be fair, I have made friends here, which is more than I was allowed in the muggle world. And here I discovered that trustworthy adults actually **do** exist, though the number is much less than they would have us believe. I learned that love and laughter were closer than I thought, and that for all the darkness in the world, there is also light.

But now…I'm not so sure. In the five years since my rescue, I've seen more than I was ever meant to see, and I've understood more than I've pretended to understand. I couldn't help it; my childhood taught me to never fully trust anyone, because you never know who's in the pocket of your enemies.

When you break your leg because your best friend suddenly attacks you and pushes you off of a staircase because your cousin told him to, you learn not to trust anyone, even your friends. And when the Dursleys are your family, you learn to hide your own abilities, less you are beaten and starved for having them, or they're exploited for the benefit of said relatives.

Of course, when I was first rescued, I forgot all that. I devoted myself completely to maintaining my close friendship with my first two friends, Ron and Hermione, even to the point where I excluded other possibilities for friendship. I trusted them completely despite my instincts, primarily because I believed a new world meant new rules.

And it did, only, not _all_ of the rules were new. I didn't realize that until it was too late. I think fourth year was when I first realized the situation I had put myself in. I trusted my friends far more than they trusted me, Ron especially. And when he became jealous and turned on me, I realized how much I'd isolated myself from my peers by being overly self-conscious and clinging to the first two people that didn't seem to judge me.

One of who was judging me now, when it was too late to choose not to trust him, not to care about his well-being. It hurt quite a bit, but it opened my eyes and made me remember the lessons I'd learned as a child. So I studied harder, hid my growing intellect, and allowed some distance to come between us. I made an effort to make a new friend of Cedric, but in the end that only got him killed.

At least in the muggle world my friends were bought out or beat up rather than killed. Then the rest of this new world turned on me, though I wasn't as surprised as I might have been, as I was in second year when I was accused of being the heir to Slytherin. So I watched the world and waited to see what would happen next. I saw things no one was meant to see, and I learned from these observations the true nature of not only the people around me, but Hogwarts itself.

But none of that matters now. Sirius is dead. Dumbledore was killed in my presence by a Death Eater some believe I could have stopped. I proclaimed Malfoy's innocence of the act. My friends have abandoned me now. Everyone I ever trusted is either dead, or has turned against me for one reason or another. Even those that I have respected are out of my reach. Many gave up on me long ago, the first non-surprisingly being professor Snape.

Not that I blame him, for we were both at fault and I didn't understand then what I understand now. I didn't know that he suffered the same as I, or worse, at Manny's, that is, the Great Manipulator, Dumbledore's hands. The stories that Manny allowed to spread, along with Snape's own mask, prevented me from understanding him, just as I didn't understand the true depth of my father's cruelty, or my mother's love.

But I know now. The castle herself showed me. Memories of the events that occur within her boundaries flow through her essence, forming the basis for her opinions, thoughts, beliefs, and emotions. And she relates to me, in her own way.

Knowledge and understanding have done little to help me, as my parents are both dead and Professor Snape was forced into hiding. With him gone there are none left to provide me with the training Manny denied me, though we all knew I needed it. Perhaps that is why he asked **Snape** to kill him. He knew the position it would put me in, just as he knew the position it put Snape in.

I won't speak it. Not aloud. He might hear me. Still, the thought pounds in my skull, echoing louder with each reverberation. _'I know I will lose'_. Everyone thinks that Dumbledore taught me Voldemort's secret weakness, or that he gave me some sort of secret weapon or training that has made me all powerful. They don't believe that their precious leader could die without safeguards in place that guarantee the light's victory. Too bad they're wrong.

* * *

_**A/N: **_So, lemme know what you think? Good idea for a fic, sounds boring, can't wait to know what happens next, love the thought process, hate it, Dumbledore's new nickname, what? Any questions, feel free to ask. Review please loves!


	2. Maith an Fear's Pian

**A/N**: Thanks so much for all the faves and alerts guys, and double thanks to those that reviewed! The reception to the prologue was much bigger than I'd hoped, so I hope I can live up to your expectations.

**Warning:** This is YAOI. This means boy/boy action. If you don't like, don't read. So if I get flames, I'll ignore them, seeing as that if you didn't like it, you wouldn't read it, and if you didn't read it, you wouldn't flame. So a flame means you read despite my warning, so you're an idiot for not taking me seriously.

**Setting:** Hogwarts, 6th year.

"Talking"

'_Thinking'_

-Time change, character change-

Observations/Internal Monologues

_0o0oDream sequence0o0o_

_Textbook entry_

Chapter One:

_**Maith an Fear's Pian: Good Man's Pain**_

_I am still alone. Ever since the banishing of Morrigan I have been left here with no outside contact. I was once a good man, I fought against the Dark Sorceress alongside the rest of my clan. I was the only survivor of that horrific battle. They repaid me by isolating me here. This potion is for them. Maith an Fear's Pian was created to cause one serious physical injury for each truly good deed a person has done, whether others know of it or not. I have not tested it, as there are no subjects, but I have worked on the theory for the last thirty years. It's unique blend of rare ingredients combine mind magic and dark magic with nature magic. _

_First the potion scans the mind for chemical traces left behind by memories of past good deeds and emotions, such as the will and desire to protect. Each of these strong emotions and actions leaves behind a unique magical signature that slightly changes the energy emitted by the chemical traces left behind in the brain long after the event is over and the magical signature faded away. Most do not even know the signature exists, but I had studied that with Morrigan herself before she was driven insane and became dark. _

_After the potion has detected and counted the amount of these tiny chemical changes, the body is forced to relax. Then the potions seeks to flow through the body of the victim, ripping open skin in deep gashes, breaking bones into splintered fragments, and tearing muscle into shredded ribbons. The strength of the damage caused and thus the amount of pain is based on the strength of emotion felt, whether the good deed was actually performed or not. All the while the nature magic is acting to keep the body calm, completely unaware of the foreign substance that reeks havoc on the internal workings, thus preventing the release of white blood cells and the body's overall ability to heal itself. _

_The best part of this is that because the body does not recognize that it is injured, healing potions and spells are almost guaranteed to fail, as they rely on multiplying and strengthening pre-existing chemical defenses within the body. Without the base defenses, there will be no natural healing to amplify or speed up, the victim will instead slowly bleed out, or perhaps die of infection._

_If ever I get the opportunity to use this on the miserable wizards that trapped me on this wretched island, I will do so without remorse._

Excerpt from "A Scientific Journal of Magical Possibilities"

By Gerard O'Rourke

* * *

September 1st, 6th year

(Draco's POV)

Another school year. I almost expected them to kick me out. But I suppose Dumbledore wouldn't allow that. He always has kept us Slytherins close, watching us, using us as scapegoats whenever anything goes wrong. I admit that often enough it was our fault, though not as often as everyone claims.

But things are so much different now. Father's in Azkaban. Mother's glad. I don't know what to think. When Father was home Mother was always quiet. She enjoyed her parties and played hostess to the Dark Lord and other Death Eater families without a complaint. She agreed with Father whenever he said it was an honor to have the Dark Lord in our home.

Now she's ordering me to stay at school for the Christmas Hols, telling me that she doesn't want me to become marked and enslaved as my father was. She says that she will always hate dirty little mudbloods, but that she also knows she has no more right to end their lives than the lives of purebloods. Murder is still murder, she says.

She claims the Dark Lord is mad. The only reason I listen is because I have met him once, at a dinner party last Christmas. Before he allowed Father to be captured at the Department of Mysteries and imprisoned. Before I was told that Father had failed him and therefore would not be rescued. And even then, when Father was still around to praise him, he did not seem…sane.

Only now has mother allowed me to know the true extent of the deeds that the Death Eaters commit. She gave me Father's journal. I read it. The things he did… there was no glory or honor in it. It makes me sick just thinking of it. It changed him, twisted him beyond recognition. Only now can I tell how badly his mind warped over time.

I already had my suspicions about my father's sanity, but I assumed that he was merely under stress about Potter's continued existence and the Dark Lord's reaction to it. I often hoped that Potter would just die already so that my father could have some peace and spend time with me walking through the gardens and teaching me things other than Dark Arts like he used to do.

I did not realize how much Father had changed, as the only times I saw him in the last two years were for lessons in the Dark Arts over Hols and briefly at dinner over the summer, between Death Eater meetings. Sadder still is that I never knew my father as he truly was. I was too young when he was still himself to have any memories of the man the first few years of his journal portray.

Mother told me that before Father was arrested, he told her something very important, and that when he told it to her, she saw a glimmer of the man she loved within his eyes. Sounds sappy to me, but Mother wouldn't lie about such things. She told me that Father overheard a glass ball, a prophecy, break. In the prophecy it was stated that Potter alone can defeat the Dark Lord, and that '_either must die at the hand of the other for neither can live while the other survives'_. It sure explains a lot, I suppose. I'm sure glad it's Potter and not me that the Dark Lord is after, though if I follow Mother's orders, he'll be after me as well.

She says that she has much more to tell me, but that it must wait until Potter has killed the Dark Lord. She cannot tell me everything now because she doesn't trust Dumbledore and the "light side" any more than she trusts the Dark Lord, and wouldn't want the headmaster butting into Malfoy business.

I don't know what to think anymore. All I know for certain is that I refuse to be marked. I am a Malfoy; I bow to no one, for I am above such behavior. I will not become my father, even if it means the Dark Lord will destroy my home and hunt me down when I don't show up for initiation this Christmas. It is with this resolve that I head downstairs for what may be the last time.

* * *

(Harry's POV)

"No!"

I bolt upright in the dark room, drenched in sweat and trying not to hyperventilate. I am glad that Bill agreed to cast the silencing charms for me when I was brought here from the Dursleys last month. At the thought of the elder Weasley the color red flashes across my vision, and I promptly roll over and vomit onto the carpet. Once my muscles stop shaking and my stomach is empty I stumble to the bathroom connected to my room to rinse out my mouth and brush my teeth.

As the images from my vision flash through my mind I am sick gain, filling the toilet bowl with mostly clear liquid. I decide that a scalding hot shower is in order, for I feel dirty just thinking about the torture I saw Snape experience. The man may be a right bastard, but even he didn't deserve the Maith An Fear's Pian potion. But I won't think of that. I won't. I hum for a minute as I scrub at my skin, using the sound of my voice and the running water to drown out the thoughts and images that keep trying to overwhelm me. It works.

What day is it? Time means little to me now and I lose track of it so easily. I dress slowly, pulling on some old cloths I found in the dresser of my self-claimed bedroom. I am glad that Bill and Charlie have taken an interest in me, as they are the ones who shrunk the cloths to my size. The Black jeans and form-fitting black t-shirt with emerald trim are rather comfortable, and I cannot help but to feel comforted by the fact that they used to belong to a relative of Sirius, despite the morbidity of wearing the cloths of a dead man.

A fresh wave of pain washes over me as I think of the godfather I will never have. It's as if Fate decided upon my birth that I was not meant to experience the love, safety, protection, and advice of a parental figure for more than a year. I was meant to raise myself and develop my own morals and values, rather than learning them from world-wise adults.

I head downstairs for a cup of tea when I'm stopped by the silent forms of Bill and Charlie Weasley. They look pale, but determined, and though we've grown close over the summer, I am weary.

"Bill. Charlie. Anything I can do for you this morning?"

"Harry." They nod. I wait a minute, staring, and Bill fidgets before finally speaking up.

"Listen, Harry, are you okay?"

"What do you mean?" I ask defensively. It was a loaded question, after all, and I could never answer it truthfully, not even to them.

"What Bill means to say is that **he** set the silencing bubble over your room, and, in the best interest of your health, also placed an alarm spell to alert us if you were in an undue amount of pain."

Charlie looks stern, firm in his belief that they've done the right thing. While I am angry, furious actually, I cannot act on it. They may have seriously violated my privacy, something I have little enough of these days, but these two are the only ones who've been here and even bothered to **try** and help me through the emptiness that has been with me since Sirius's death. I grit my teeth.

"I'm fine. I had a vision, but it was nothing worth reporting."

"You sure?" Bill asks with obvious concern.

"I'm sure. Snape may need Madam Pomfrey though."

"We'll let her know to expect him. And Harry?"

"Yeah?"

"You might want to put your school robes on. Today's the day and we know how you don't like to be around when everyone else is." Charlie states mildly.

"Ron, Hermione, and Ginny are coming back today too. It may not be a good idea for everyone to see you in Regulus's old cloths, wearing the Black crest might send the wrong message to the adults you've been avoiding."

I simply nod, and as they head back to their room I continue downstairs for my morning tea. It is dark outside and I can sense no one out of their rooms. No one has explained to me how I can sense the location of others here, and I have not asked. None the less, I am grateful. Being able to sense the whereabouts of others has done a great deal to aid me in avoiding them.

The sense of others' presence is a constant sensation in the back of my mind, and I have grown used to it. Now I have only to think of a person to know where they are, if they are present in Grimmauld Place. It's sort of like a marauder's map in my head, only without the map part. I can _feel_ the others in the back of my mind, but that's just it. They're in the **back** of my mind. I can sit here and think my thoughts without having my attention constantly dragged to their locations. I am aware of them, but not focused on them. It's like with the map, the locations are always there, but the ink is only visible if you want it to be.

As I drink my steaming tea I try to use these locations to distract myself, but ever since I taught myself how to put them in the back of my mind, it seems they cannot distract me. I would be grateful for that, if I weren't trying so hard to forget the torture to which I bore witness. Snape was not compromised, but he was under suspicion due to his absence from Voldemort's latest raids, under the excuse that Dumbledore had him preparing the castle for the start of term. Old Tom was also suspicious because Snape's potions didn't seem to be as effective as they once were. Frankly I'm surprised Tom could tell, but Ra what a horrible punishment.

He made Snape brew the Maith an Fear's Pian potion without telling him what he was brewing, or for what the potion would be used. Snape had no choice but to brew it or die, and he couldn't figure it out because it's only a theoretical potion anyways. It was created by an old Irish wizard that went dark after being trapped on an island for years. The one and only copy of the man's journal is in Voldemort's possession, and it hasn't been seen by anyone else is over 500 years. The only reason I know of it is because Tom and I were linked as Snape brewed it and I had access to old scaly-arse's thoughts.

Of course, Snape figured out what the potion was likely to do as he progressed in the brewing stages, seeing as he knows which ingredients have what properties and how they react to one another in differing amounts. He is a potions **master**, after all.

I never would have guessed that the bastard had done so many good deeds in his life. Tom was smug when there could be no argument about Snape's potion skills, but he seemed as surprised as I was at the amount and extent of Snape's injuries. I wonder if Snape ever figured out exactly what it was that triggered the potion to cause the injuries…and with his obvious amount of good deeds I wonder if Tom still trusts him… perhaps I _should_ warn Dumbledore…

I finish my tea with a frown and wash the glass in muggle fashion before heading back upstairs. I can sense that Bill and Charlie are awake, but still in their temporary shared room. Neither of them will tell me their plans for the year, and I have no idea if I will see the two of them again. Which reminds me of another problem; no one took me to get my school supplies this year. I sigh as I close my door behind me.

I suppose I've been avoiding everyone so much that they've forgotten, but I thought that at least Mrs. Weasley or Remus would've remembered. I guess Remus must be grieving over Sirius as much as I am; after all, they did tell me that they were mated, and explained to me that wizards as well as werewolves view that as even more binding than marriage.

Still… how am I supposed to start a new year with no books, bags, cloths, robes, potions ingredients, or anything else for that matter? At least I've got a couple of quills and plenty of parchment leftover from last year. I suppose I could always wear Regulus's old cloths despite the Black family crest. The robes, however, are Slytherin, and I doubt wearing them would go over well… I think I can use my old ones from last year, it's not like I've grown that much since then. That decided I set to packing the few things I've gathered since coming here.

* * *

A/N: Well, it's a short chapter I know, but mostly because I have more written and typing it all up during finals is not the best idea. So here's a chappie to tide you over until finals are done! Please read and review, lemme know any thoughts ideas or questions you have, as I adore each and every review I get!


	3. Reunion

**A/N**: Thanks so much for all the faves and alerts guys. You should review this time though ^_~

**Warning:** This is YAOI. This means boy/boy action. If you don't like, don't read. So if I get flames, I'll ignore them, seeing as that if you didn't like it, you wouldn't read it, and if you didn't read it, you wouldn't flame. So a flame means you read despite my warning, so you're an idiot for not taking me seriously.

**Setting:** Hogwarts, 6th year.

"Talking"

'_Thinking'_

-Time change, character change-

Observations/Internal Monologues

_Dream sequence_

Chapter Two: Reunion

September 1st, 6th year

(Harry's POV)

Everything is Chaos. My mind is filled with a loud buzzing sensation as the wards around Grimmauld Place hum with each person's entry or exit, and their whereabouts within the wards flash in my mind. I'm not used to sensing so many people at once and it's more than a little overwhelming. I'm hiding in my now un-silenced room, listening as everyone else scrambles to get ready. I'm ready, have been for hours actually, but I'm avoiding going downstairs for as long as I can.

Ever since Dumbledore told me the prophecy, I've been prone to panic attacks rating from mild to severe. They don't happen often, but being surrounded by other people tends to be a trigger, most likely because I tend to think too much about how much danger they're all in just for being near me, and then I get to thinking…well, I won't get into that now. Best not to think about the things that I know cause me to panic.

I can sense Bill and Charlie in the living room, along with Ron, Hermione, and Ginny. I know they're explaining my new aversion to crowds to my friends, but it doesn't make me feel any better. They've been at the Burrow all summer, giving me room to grieve, according to the Headmaster. I don't want to see them. I led them into a pointless battle and endangered their lives based on a false vision I should have seen through. It was my panic that caused us to rush in blindly, and it was my weakness in occlumency that got Sirius killed. They must hate me for allowing Tom to manipulate me to the point where I risked their lives along with mine.

And if they don't hate me, they'll pity me, and I don't know which is worse. I've already decided not to tell them the prophecy. I don't want them mourning me before I die, I couldn't stand to hurt them needlessly like that. I also don't want to take away their hope. They still think Dumbledore can win us this war, if they knew I was the only one who can kill Voldemort they would realize that they're doomed to die, most likely at a young age.

If I wait up here much longer though, they might come up to get me, and I really don't want them seeing my new room… I doubt that they'd understand, especially not Ron who abhors anything Slytherin. It's not my fault that my Godfather's brother was a snake.

I sigh and head downstairs, pushing at the wards of Grimmauld Place so that my room is warded from the rest of the house as well as from the outside. I don't know how I can do this any more than I know how I sense people, but it's a magic that goes undetected by the ministry, so I don't complain.

As I reach the middle of the hallway I realize I've forgotten my trunk, and I wearily head back to my room. Even the simple things seem to tire me lately, and the thought of lugging my trunk downstairs is not a pleasant one. I wish there was a way to-

The gasps startle me out of my thoughts and I look around in shock. I've no idea how, but both myself and my trunk are in the middle of the living room, exactly where I pictured myself dropping my trunk to greet everyone a moment ago. Very interesting.

"Harry!" Hermione is the first to respond.

"Hullo Herms." I whisper, refusing to look her directly in the eyes.

Bill mutters something under his breath and takes my trunk for me while Hermione throws herself at me with a sob. I don't understand why, but as she clings to me and cries into my old robe Ron awkwardly pats me on the back. I look around and see that Ginny went with Bill, otherwise we are alone. After taking a deep breath, Hermione wipes her eyes and releases me before taking a moment to just look.

I can see the wheels turning in her head and I know she's wondering how I managed to appear without the ability to apparate, without the ministry responding, not to mention being in a house with anti-apparition wards. Just as she opens her mouth to ask me about it, Bill and Charlie come back in and she shuts it again with a strange look in my direction.

"Uh, Harry? Mate?" I notice Ron is also looking at me oddly and it sets me on edge.

"Yeah?" I question cautiously.

"Why do your cloths have the… well, you know…" he gives me a pleading look, but I am genuinely confused.

"The what, Ron?"

"The Black family crest? I know… I know Sirius was your Godfather, but you know the rest of the Blacks were evil dark wizards, right?"

I frown at him. It's strange how I never really thought of him as prejudiced before, and yet he is, always has been I realize with a start.

"No. Not all of them Ron. Tonks is good, and I think Regulus might have been as well. And the only other Blacks I've met are Bellatrix, who is agreeably evil and dark, and Mrs. Malfoy, who seemed stuck up and snobbish, and most likely dark, but she didn't really come off as evil."

I see Hermione nodding her head and looking at me thoughtfully, and I know she can tell that this summer has changed me.

"Of course she's evil; anyone who raised Malfoy would have to be evil!"

"Oh really! You're so immature Ronald! It's great that you have a connection to Sirius Harry, and I for one am glad that you're proud enough to be wearing his family crest. I know it would mean the world to him to see you wearing it."

"Thank you Hermione."

"You're welcome." She smiles as Ron splutters before closing his mouth and glaring at her.

"Whatever, just go change so we can leave already. You don't want anyone seeing that thing and thinking you've gone dark-side. Although it might be worth it to see the look on Malfoy's face when he realizes that you're parading around wearing his Mum's old family crest!"

I merely cast a dark glare at him as Hermione jumps to my defense.

"Ronald Weasley! Harry can wear whatever he wants, and if he wants to wear Sirius' family crest then he has every right to as the man's godson! And I'm sure he has much better reasons to wear it than just to rub it in Malfoy's face that they're only one adoption paper away from being second cousins!"

"Of course he can- wait, what?"

"You heard me. If things had turned out differently and Sirius had adopted Harry, then he and Malfoy would be second cousins right now."

I smirk lightly as Ron pales dramatically. I force myself not to think of Sirius and the might-have-beens, but rather focus on the fact that I never really thought of how close Malfoy and I came to becoming related. I knew his mother was a Black, but I never thought about it before. I'm betting he hasn't either, and I wonder how I can use this little piece of information against him later.

"G-g-good thing they aren't though…"

"Ronald! I swear! You never think before you speak, do you!"

I tune them out as she rants at him for his deplorable lack of tact and focus instead on the presence of Bill and Charlie in the other room. I know they're listening in, making sure that I don't panic again. I'm annoyed, but touched by the care they go to on my behalf. I should have told them about my lack of school supplies, but I know they've been busy enough this summer with their own secrets. They still don't know that I could sense it when they left almost every night for three and four hours at a time.

"Hey Ron, I can hear you yelling from out front, pipe down would you?"

"You stay out of it Ginny, she'll start lecturing you next!"

"Actually, I think poor Harry here might be getting a headache from all your shouting. Give it a rest why don't you, we have a lot of loading up to do."

I blink at her, drawn out of my musings by the sound of my name. The other two manage to look sheepish, but with a nod and an apologetic smile, they drop the argument and head outside to help load up the ministry car that'll be taking us to the station.

"So, Harry, how was your summer, other than boring as hell?" Ginny asks me with a wicked smirk.

"It was… uneventful." I murmur softly.

"Really? So you didn't learn anything new or exciting about Voldemort or the order?" She pouts at me.

"No." I answer just as quietly as before. She frowns, but ploughs on anyway.

"Shame, it would've been nice to know what it is the adults are keeping from us. We were locked in the Burrow all summer; Mum wouldn't say a word about it other than that we were safe if we stayed in. What about you, with Order members coming and going all the time, surely they told you something about why we were all kept in?"

"The death toll is much higher than the papers say Gin, I'm sure that had something to do with it." I whisper, all these voices pounding in my head and the buzz of the wards like an angry bee in my ears.

"You alright there Harry?" Hermione asks as I sway lightly on my feet.

"Yeah. Just tired. I don't sleep much anymore." I just can't seem to do more than whisper; the wards seem to think that having me outside is a bad idea. Though I've no idea how wards could possibly have feelings.

Hermione nods thoughtfully as Ginny accepts my answer and closes the trunk with all of our belongings inside. The conversation is cut short as Bill and Charlie come outside, followed by Arthur and Tonks. I simply wait quietly as they usher us into the cars, and I take my seat in the back of one, thankful that it's Charlie I ride with and not his youngest siblings.

"I see you've kept the crest Harry… it's your choice, just remember that you might get negative attention for it. You can keep it hidden when you need to though, school robes are good for that at least. If there's anything you need help with, feel free to write. Hedwig can find Bill and I wherever we are, and we'd be glad to come to your aid if you need it. I know the twins feel the same. Remember, even if things get rough this year, you have allies that will support you no matter what."

"Of course…" I eye him uncertainly, not sure why he's telling me this now.

"I mean it Harry. We're here for you."

I nod slowly, and the rest of the ride is silent. When we get through the barrier at the station I look for the older Weasleys to say good-bye, but they are nowhere to be seen. I sigh and quietly follow Ron and Hermione onto the train, then head to a compartment in the back while they tend to the prefects meeting. I know they'll find me later, they always do.

As I finally get situated and the train starts to move, I allow my thoughts to drift again. I can no longer feel the wards, thank Merlin, but for about a mile out from the house I had still been able to feel them, and the buzzing had only gotten worse the farther away I had gotten. Yet somehow, I can still sense which people are in the house.

I know that right now Madam Pomfrey is arriving by floo, and that Arthur and Molly are there as well. But it's not like before where I'm immediately aware of them, I actually have to concentrate and ask myself who's there in order to know. Yet know I do, and if that isn't disorienting than I don't know what is.

I need some time to research this without Hermione around, I'm not sure why, but I don't want her knowing about this just yet. I get the feeling it might be important, especially since no one has else seems to know about it. On top of that I really need to talk to Snape when he recovers; as much as I despise the very thought of it, I need to ask him to resume my occlumency lessons.

I can't have a repeat of last year, and that aside I'm just really tired of watching people get tortured. I've grown used to not sleeping, but it's not like I can sneak outside in the middle of the night for some fresh air here, and I tend to feel claustrophobic after my visions lately. All part of that "Why can't I save anyone" feeling that's prone to making me panic.

It's going to be a busy year, but I'm going to work harder than I ever have before. I'm going to prove to Dumbledore that I'm ready for the advanced training I'll need in order to face Tom. I won't let people jerk me around anymore. I'm aware now, and now that my guard's up I won't be letting it down so easily.

It may have taken me five and a half years, but I see the manipulations I've fallen victim too, and now that I know what signs to look for I'm going to pay even closer attention to everyone around me. I'll play along as if I'm as clueless as ever, but until I understand more I'm going to have to be very careful how I handle myself. Dumbledore thinks he has me fooled, but I know he told me the prophecy when he did for a reason, I know he was counting on me feeling angry and hopeless….I just don't know why.

I have a lot to think about it seems, and a lot to keep to myself. I'm surprised to find that though I'm happy my friends don't hate me, I don't miss their presence in the compartment, and in fact find myself dreading their return. I'm noticing more about them now that I'm paying closer attention, and I only recently realized that I'm not the only one who's changed over the years. I don't really know either of them half as well as I should, and I can only hope that the children I befriended in first year are still buried in them somewhere.

I'll pay more attention to my surroundings this year, get to know them better, reconnect a bit more. It is with this goal in mind that I finally allow myself to relax and enjoy the passing scenery as the train rolls on.

(Draco's POV)

Things are so very different this year. With Father gone Mother alone is accompanying me to the station, and the lecture I get this year isn't about grades or quidditch or being the best, but rather about Malfoy pride. On the platform we hold our heads high, and though no one says anything to us directly, I can feel the stares. I kiss mum on the back of her hand in parting, I don't know when I'll see her again. Though I know she's determined to follow through with this plan, I can see a glimmer of worry flicker in her eyes before she turns away and is gone.

I board the train slowly and my steps never falter, but I am cautious. I cannot sit in my usual compartment, as Crabbe and Goyle's fathers have ordered them to have nothing to do with me. I despise politics sometimes. Still, I can count on Pansy and Blaise to find me later. Those two always seem to know where I am, and I know they could care less whether or not my father was incarcerated.

I will have to use this time to think, for after the welcoming feast I'll have to reinforce the fact that I am the Prince of Slytherin, and make everyone see that my father's arrest has little to do with it. A difficult task to be sure, but it can be done. With Father gone I am now the head of the household, even if I won't gain control of everything until I turn seventeen. Even though Father's actions have smeared the Malfoy name, I will remind everyone that I have not.

I don't bother to attend the Prefect's meeting; I know Pansy will fill me in later. Severus will forgive me… or, he would have before my father was exposed. I'm not sure what to expect from him now. He is still my Godfather, but he is Voldemort's new right-hand man, and for all I know he has orders from the Dark Lord himself to make me pay for my father's mistake.

I shiver uneasily as I head for the back of the train. I need more time to sort this all out so that I can appear perfectly composed at the feast. If I look anything other than my best others will see it as a weakness and zone in on me. I cannot appear to be anything other than in complete control of the situation. I must command attention in the way that Malfoys always do, with regal poise and dignity, and a mask that keeps others wondering what exactly we're planning.

So deep in thought am I that I am startled to find myself standing in an empty hall in front of a closed door near the very back of the train. I blink a few times before quietly opening the door, hoping it's empty. The scene inside freezes me to the spot. Harry Potter is alone in the compartment, eyes closed and head resting against the window. He hasn't noticed me, and I take advantage of the moment to study him.

He looks… different. His hair is longer and not as wild, and his cloths seem to actually fit him for once. There's a corner of a design showing on his shirt, but he's turned at an angle so I can't make out the design. His shoes are black and well-shined, and the black jeans hug his much too thin frame. Obviously he's not been eating enough, so something's bothering him. His clingy black shirt also reveals how unhealthily thin he is, though he doesn't appear to be thin enough to have anorexia or any other eating disorder. The circles under his eyes are a good sign of how tired he really is, and the shadows reflected in his green eyes make him seem a touch intimidating…wait a minute… _'fuck!'_

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A/N: sorry for the long wait, but I've had a hell of a lot going on lately. Hope this chapter isn't quite as boring as I think it is, but I promise it gets better. Not a single review last chapter, but plenty of faves and alerts. So please review loves, they give me the much needed motivation to keep on writing!_  
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	4. Understanding

**A/N**: Thanks so much for all the faves and alerts guys. More of you should review this time though ^_~

**Warning:** This is YAOI. This means boy/boy action. If you don't like, don't read. So if I get flames, I'll ignore them, seeing as that if you didn't like it, you wouldn't read it, and if you didn't read it, you wouldn't flame. So a flame means you read despite my warning, so you're an idiot for not taking me seriously.

**Setting:** Hogwarts, 6th year.

"Talking"

'_Thinking'_

-Time change, character change-

Observations/Internal Monologues

_Dream sequence_

Chapter Three: Understanding

September 1st, 6th year

(Draco's POV)

He's awake! How can he be awake? He's alone, that's good…but so am I, not so good. What the hell is he smirking about? Ra but I don't feel like fighting just now, all I wanted was some peace and quiet…

(Harry's POV)

When I hear the compartment door quietly slide open I quickly shut my eyes. I know Ron and Hermione mean well, but I'm really not ready to deal with their questions right now. I figure if I feign sleep it'll buy me a couple more hours, at least. I'm forced to open my eyes after a minute though, as something must be really wrong for Ron to be this quiet.

And if I weren't suspicious before, I certainly am now. Ron is nowhere to be seen, but Malfoy is just standing there, his eyes trained on me as he seems to be measuring me up. I stay perfectly still; he hasn't seemed to realize I'm awake yet. Really, I'm surprised that he didn't take advantage of the fact that I was alone and asleep when he opened the door. Then again he's alone as well…

His eyes meet mine, but still he doesn't say a word or move a muscle, he just stares into my eyes… and I happily pinpoint the exact moment he realizes I'm staring back at him. I smirk, I know my enemies well, and the slight widening of his eyes is the only sign of his fear, but I see it for what it is. Lucky for him I don't feel like fighting today.

"Malfoy." I nod politely and remain seated, but I'm prepared to leap to my feet and draw my wand in one movement if need be. He seems to see that, and acknowledges it with a slight nod of his head in turn.

"Potter." My name falls from his lips with far less malice than it did the last time I saw him, and though I am surprised by it, it doesn't bother me.

We silently observe each other for another minute, each of us taking in the physical changes of the other, each of us weary and alert. I'm surprised to note that his once perfect appearance is now slightly off. He used to wear clear polish on his nails and he always styled his hair. Now it's slightly mussed and though his nails are trimmed they are not shiny. He looks…tired; but also more dignified, mature, and proud than he's ever looked before. I suppose this summer has forced him to grow up.

He surprises me by speaking first.

"Things are different now." His voice is quiet, but firm.

"They are." I nod in acceptance, though I'm not really sure why he's saying it.

"I know the truth." I hold my breath for a beat.

"Which one?" It's a fair question, I have many secret truths.

He does a half-smirk half-smile thing, and I find myself chuckling in return, but I simply shrug, and wait.

"About Voldemort. About you." I freeze. No one was supposed to know about that. That was between me and Dumbledore. No one else heard it, Voldemort was very pissed about that, I'm sure no one else knew… I didn't want anyone else to know!

"Potter… it doesn't change anything." I give him a questioning look.

"Just because it has to be you, doesn't change anything. It's always been that way; the only difference is now you know it. But it's always been you. Every school year it has, so why would it be anyone else? Don't look so surprised."

"Why are you telling me this?"

(Draco's POV)

It's a good question. Why am I telling him this? Mother said not to trust the light any more than the dark… but mother didn't see his eyes. The shadows there… they reminded me of myself, after I'd read father's journal.

"I don't want you to die." He stares at me, as if trying to figure out if I'm casting a non-verbal curse or something.

"You do realize, Malfoy, that if I don't die, Voldemort can't live?"

"I do." I say it softly, but it's as true as anything I've ever said to him, and before he can question me further I turn and leave the compartment. I'll just have to keep looking for an empty one, and hope that Potter doesn't try to follow.

I don't even know why I told him. I might as well have screamed out that I don't want to follow in my father's footsteps. Next thing I know the light side will be trying to turn me into a Death Eater spy or something. Great, just what I need.

Still… Potter has changed. I'll have to watch him closer this year, see what he does with the information I gave him. Our childish squabbling days are over. There is no room for petty classroom fights if I'm to keep my ranking in Slytherin. I'll hold my head high and prove to everyone that Malfoy's should be feared and respected. Anything less will result in retaliation and that won't leave time for out-of-house rivalries.

I find an empty compartment and slide in; now all that's left is to sort out what I'm to do about Snape and the rest of my house while I wait for Blaise and Pansy.

(Harry's POV)

I force myself not to clench my teeth. Ron and Hermione are quietly whispering about me, trying not to disturb me yet. I've become rather good at feigning sleep, and though it keeps them from questioning me about the summer, I'd still rather not hear Hermione crying because she thinks I'm thin as a wraith.

No, I've more important things to think about now. Like Malfoy. He wants me to live, which means he wants me to kill Voldemort. That surprises me. I thought he'd try to kill me for putting his precious father in prison, but I suppose I'm not the only one wearing a mask. I'm ashamed I never realized it before. I've done my best to know as much about my enemy as possible and that one sentence has shattered most of my beliefs about him. Even my closest friends expect me to die in order to save them, but my enemy wants me to live, even though he would likely be on the prison list if I did.

I guess I don't really know him at all. A shame, really. I need to get in all the extra training I can this year, because if the visions are anything to go by I don't have anywhere near enough strength or experience to face Voldemort again. Last time I just got lucky. I think Dumbledore knows that.

Perhaps that is why he showed up when he did. To remind me of the power he himself possesses. Now I know that he has the strength to train me for the one job he cannot do. I'll just have to approach him about it after the feast, and after I apologize for destroying his office of course. I stretch and yawn, pretending to wake up now, and the other two start talking a little too loud about how hungry Ron is.

"Could you keep it down guys? I am trying to sleep…" I murmur quietly.

"Of course Harry, sorry about that." Hermione says in her best abashed voice.

"S'okay Mione. Just didn't sleep much last night, that's all." I smile tiredly at her.

She may be a bit overprotective, but at least her heart's in the right place. I'm lucky to have friends that worry about me.

"Oh, Harry… What's happened to you this summer? You look terrible!" She can't seem to help exclaiming, now that I'm 'awake'.

"Not now Herms, okay? I promise I'll talk to you about it tonight, alright?"

"O-kay…" she sounds doubtful, but at least she's agreed to post-pone the questions for now.

I shrug and turn to change into my school robes, and I can feel her frowning at my back. I wait until her gaze has moved away, no need to fuel the fire by letting her see underneath my robes. I change quickly and before I know it we're at the feast and the sorting is over with.

I am distracted from my thoughts by the whispers, but when I glance up I'm surprised to find the stares directed at the head table and not myself. Following the stares of my housemates I gasp as I notice what I missed before; Dumbledore's right arm is black and withered. It is one more thing I'll need to ask him about; as I'm sure it's related to Voldemort in some way.

Hermione notices that I saw it, and gives me a questioning look. I simply shrug and begin to eat under her watchful eye, moving the food around to look like I've eaten more whenever she glances away. It's not my fault I'm this thin, not really. With so much to think about at the start of summer I often forgot to eat, and once the nightmare visions started I rarely had the stomach to.

Hermione asks me a question, and I smile at her reassuringly as I hear the prefects being called. I must have done the right thing, because she nods in satisfaction before dragging Ron away from his food to help lead the first-years to the tower.

I'm not surprised when I glance down to see a letter by my plate, and when I read it I am grateful to learn that the headmaster wishes to see me after I finish my meal. There is much to discuss with him, after all. I look at my half-eaten plate in disgust before slowing rising from my seat. A look towards the head table tells me that Dumbledore is already gone, so I begin following the other students out.

Though I am in a throng of students, none touch me, and I'm not sure if it's because of the way I look or because of who I am. Soon enough I walk the halls alone. It is just as well, my mind wanders but my feet lead me right where I want to go.

"Switzers" the gargoyle leaps aside, and I am on my way.

His office looks the same as ever. No signs remain of the damage I caused. A fresh start then, perfect.

"Ah, Harry, please sit. Care for a lemon drop?"

"No thank you sir."

"Suit yourself my boy."

He pops one into his mouth and leans slightly back in his chair, waiting. I know he's waiting for me to apologize, he knows me too well to think I wouldn't. Still… that twinkle in his eyes is annoying when I want to be serious with him.

"Headmaster, I am sorry. I over-reacted after you told me the prophecy. I should have expected it really, because it's always been me, right? Every year, I've always been the one to stop him. From what I saw of your fight at the ministry I'm sure you could have stopped him at any time, but you were trying to prepare me, weren't you?"

"Now now my boy, call me Albus. And I forgive you, of course. Anyone would have reacted badly to such terrible knowledge, and as you can see I was able to fix everything. However, you are mistaken. You were chosen to defeat Tom Harry, and that alone is why you have faced him each year. I'm afraid it was not by my design in the slightest."

"It wasn't?" I ask with my best 'doubtful yet trusting' tone.

This dismissal of my theory on why he never stepped in is rather suspicious. I've wondered for years why it was always me, a student, against the most-feared Dark Lord of all time. I thought I finally figured it out this summer, but now he's denying even that?

There's just no way it was coincidence that the almighty Albus Dumbledore was always absent or unaware when it came to Voldemort and I. Maybe first year, possibly second, but after that he should've at least been weary enough to prepare for more occurrences, and have other adults in charge be prepared as well. So why is he claiming no involvement?

"No Harry. I would never willingly put a student in danger." His voice is firmer now, and he is leaning forward over steepled hands.

So that's it then. He denies it because he is still a Headmaster, and I am still a student. For all his effort to have me call him Albus and talk to him like I would a parent, he's still my Headmaster first. And in turn I am still a child, despite all the growing up I've been forced to do. This is a dangerous game he's playing, and I wonder why I never caught on before.

"Alright. So it's just another sign of my fate then." I say this with a small spark of angry defiance, hoping he sees it for what it is and realizes that denying involvement won't fly with me. If he wants me to be honest with him, then he has to be honest with me as well.

"Indeed. Which is why I've called you here today my boy. I have scheduled you for private lessons with me for the duration of the school year. In these lessons I will teach you everything I know of Tom Riddle."

I just stare for a minute. He's called me 'my boy' for ages, but it seems now as if he's doing so to remind me of my place. As if to reinforce the message that I am his student, while still offering me the lessons I desperately need to do the adult thing and kill a man in order to save the world. How rubbish is that? So he wants to appear as a mentor to his student, while still forcing me into the role of a responsible adult? Which is it then, am I to be an adult, or a child? He's staring at me now…

"Oh. Right, lessons. Good. I need to learn all I can. If I were to meet him in battle now, he would wipe the floor with me. If you hadn't come when you did, we'd all be dead."

"And so I shall teach you. But Harry, my boy, it may not be quite what you expect. We will have to study the life of Tom Riddle to see what led to his rise to power, what made him who he became. We will study memories to learn of the strengths and weaknesses he has developed throughout his lifetime, and through our knowledge of him, we will learn how to defeat him."

"Wait…so you're not going to teach me any spells, curses, hexes, or anything that might help me in my battle with him?"

"Of course Harry, knowledge is power and understanding how he came to be will help you by showing you how to bring him down."

"Well, yeah, but I mean…even if I know how, I'll still have to fight him at one point or another, right?"

"I'm afraid so Harry. Only you can end his reign of terror." Dumbledore looks almost apologetic, but the look doesn't reach his eyes and I am weary.

"Okay, so are you going to teach me dueling strategies as well then?"

"No Harry, we shall go over the life of Tom Riddle, and we will discuss what led him to become Voldemort, and how to undo what we can."

"But Headmaster, if you don't teach me how to duel properly, then who will? I have to improve somehow or I won't last long enough to use whatever method we might come up with."

"I am sorry my boy, but it is a busy time for us all. The lessons you and I have together will have to be enough to get you through this fight."

He means for me to die then. He isn't even planning to help me defend myself, he just wants me to kill the bastard and hope I live. I really hope I'm wrong…it is late, after all.

"It is getting late Harry, perhaps you should return to your friends, I believe Ms. Granger is rather worried about you." And that damned twinkle is back.

"Of course, Thank you for your time, sir."

"Goodnight Harry."

I hum in agreement as I exit the office, not sure I want to return to the tower just yet. I know the questions wait, and I am not ready to face them yet.

(Draco's POV)

I never would have expected things to go quite so smoothly today. Blaise and Pansy more than willingly took positions by my side in place of Crabbe and Goyle, and not only did they tell me I have their support, but that I have the support of their families as well. It's not just them either, it seems that my father's arrest made some of the other families worried for their own safety, and now there are more supporters in Slytherin than I would have guessed. Still, I shall remain wary. For all I know they were told to get close so they could spy on me.

Dinner went smoothly, as most of the hall was whispering about Dumbledore's arm and paying little attention to myself. I spent most of the meal watching my table, and of course the world's favorite wizard. I find myself surprised. He sits with the Weasley and mudblood like he always has, but even though he's barely eating and I can see his thin frame from here, they aren't paying much attention to him. Granger is occasionally glancing at him and talking, and I can see him frown when she's not looking, but he's just moving his food around like a child hoping to get out of eating his vegetables.

I shouldn't care, really, and it's not like I do; I only wonder what else his new appearance is hiding, and how much closer I'll have to watch him to find out, especially if he's hiding himself even from his friends.

I imagine Dumbledore will ask for him after the meal, as he is sure to tell the Golden Boy about his crippled arm. I wonder if I can provoke my oldest enemy into revealing it to me? But as soon as that thought comes it passes, for I don't have time to throw this not-quite truce into Potter's face, not with all the damage control I'll be doing.

Besides, I can't risk getting too involved with Potter this year. If I refuse to be initiated I'll likely need him to convince Dumbledore to protect me, and that won't happen if I'm provoking him when he's clearly been through something like hell already. And I certainly can't just waltz up and ask him, not only would he have to be crazy to trust me after 5 years of torment and fighting, but mother told me not to trust the light any more than the dark, and I'm certain he'd want information in return.

No. I think I'll just wait, and watch, and learn. I don't know what this year will bring, but whatever it is I'm determined to come out on top, alive and holding my rightful place as prince of Slytherin, and heir to the Malfoy name.

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A/N: Sorry for the horrid long wait, but life's taken me by the neck an shaken me. Lost a few relatives, losing another, moved a couple times, moving again next week, last semester before I get my degree. But! I have rekindled the fire that gets my plot-bunny running, and have more ideas for what's to come. Updates may be slow (not near as long as this one) but reviews tend to give me the motivation to sit down and type my ideas. Love you all!


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